


oh, kuroo? he's just...some guy

by everybird4hundo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, I genuinely don't know what to even tag this, Kuroo Is Just Some Guy, lest they become longer than the fic itself, never thought I'd have to deal with Kuroo Is An Extremely Regular Dude Brainrot but here we are, okay no more tags, thank you to animalbackpack on tiktok for ruining my life, this is just absolute nonsense and i don't expect anyone to read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:42:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29955621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everybird4hundo/pseuds/everybird4hundo
Summary: five times kuroo was just a guy.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kozume Kenma, Hinata Shouyou & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	oh, kuroo? he's just...some guy

**Author's Note:**

> i do not know why i wrote this, and yet i will not accept criticism

**you** : hi kenma its shouyou!!!

**you** : thx 4 giving me ur number

**you** : o btw who was that dude

**kenma** : oh, kuroo?

**kenma** : he’s just some guy

**you** : really? he seemed so cool and mysterious

**kenma** : he isn’t

**kenma** : he’s really just a dude

**you** : uhhhhh i dont get what you mean

**kenma** : you will

Shouyou hadn’t been sure before what Kenma had meant by that vaguely ominous statement, but after a few interactions with Kuroo, he was beginning to understand.

* * *

The first hint was at their very first practice match with Nekoma. They were in between games and Shouyou was trotting back from filling up his water bottle when he overheard a conversation between Kuroo, Lev, and Kenma as he passed by.

“Hey, Lev, d’you like my new shoes? They’re Sketchers. Sick, right?” Kuroo stuck one foot out in front of himself to show off his new kicks.

Lev didn’t even have time to answer because Kenma was cutting in. “Sketchers aren’t cool, Kuroo. Stop it. You’re being embarrassing.”

Kuroo just huffed and pulled his foot back, looking vaguely offended but mostly neutral. As Shouyou walked out of earshot, he thought he heard Kuroo mutter under his breath, “That’s dumb. They’re so breathable.”

* * *

A week later, Shouyou picked up his phone after practice to see a new message from Kenma. He opened up the video attachment with curiosity, only to see the image of Kuroo in what was clearly a halfhearted recording. Yaku and Kai were barely there in the background, both looking at Kuroo with equally irritated and exhausted expressions.

“You wanna see me chug this whole water bottle? I bet I can,” Kuroo was saying.

There was a chorus of “no”s from people both on and off-screen, but Kuroo was already doing it. He tilted his head back as he drank, adam’s apple bobbing with each repeated swallow. Eventually he pulled the bottle away from his mouth and coughed a couple times, pounding himself on the chest with his other fist. “Some of that went down the wrong pipe,” he announced, and the recording cut off to a series of sighs and groans.

* * *

The next time was on the first day of the joint summer training camp. Kuroo and a couple other guys were standing outside the entrance to the gym stretching when the Karasuno team walked up. As they did, Kuroo stopped his stretching and grinned. “Would you look at that, the crows are here to play.”

He went over and opened the door for them, gesturing dramatically with one arm. “Come on in, boys, this is where the magic happens.”

Behind him, Shouyou heard Suga muffle a snort of laughter, but they all filed inside nonetheless.

* * *

The day after, the Karasuno team was headed out to run their penalty lap up the hill after the final match of the day. As they started up, Shouyou heard a loud voice shout, “Hey, Kuroo! We’re getting snacks from the gas station on the corner! You want anything?”

Kuroo’s voice called back with no hesitation. “Could you grab me some Chex Mix? Oh, or maybe those pretzels with the yogurt coating on them! The vanilla kind!”

When Shouyou made it back down the hill, Kenma was leaning against the wall, head ducked down as he played a game on his phone.

“I’m starting to see what you meant about Kuroo,” Shouyou said as he trotted up. All he got from Kenma in return was a wry smile.

* * *

On the second-to-last day of the training camp, Kuroo walked into the gym in the morning with a brown packet in one hand. Shouyou watched him rip off the top of the packet, crumple the ripped-off bit in one hand, and aim it at a nearby trash can. 

It went in cleanly, and Kuroo whooped loudly with excitement and nudged the person next to him (which happened to be Akaashi from Fukurodani) with an exceedingly pointy elbow. The poor, put-upon setter offered up a half-smile and a nod of acknowledgment, but immediately rolled his eyes the second Kuroo had his back turned once again.

Shouyou trotted over once he saw Kuroo tip some of the contents of the packet into his mouth, curious about the contents. “Hey, Kuroo, what are you eating?” he asked, squinting at the packet in the other boy’s hands.

“Oatmeal,” Kuroo answered simply, before tilting his head back to shake a little more of what Shouyou realized was just...dry oatmeal...into his mouth.

“You know you’re supposed to put water in that,” Kenma muttered, materializing at Kuroo’s side from seemingly nowhere.

“Sounds like work,” Kuroo replied, before dumping the rest of his strange snack into his mouth and crumpling the packet in his hand.

Kenma gave Shouyou a pointed, pained look and Shouyou just nodded his understanding. Maybe he hadn’t known exactly what Kenma had met before, but he absolutely knew now.

“Hey, you guys wanna see me throw this in the trash from all the way over here? Ten bucks says I can make it.”

Kuroo really was just some guy.

**Author's Note:**

> i have nothing i can say to defend myself


End file.
